screaming infidelities
by andthenshesaid
Summary: Because sometimes the perfect couple isn't all that perfect, and sometimes the bad guy isn't all that bad, and sometimes life has a lot of maybes. FinDen.


**screaming infidelities **

.

_how long do you think you will stand  
>a fool in the desert, a boy with no plan<em>

.

It starts as something that would piss Berwald off.

(That's actually how a lot of things Matthias is involved with start out, but that's totally not a big deal, at least not right now)

But it turns into something _way_ bigger than that.

.

"Who's the new kid?"

"No."

"What – Norgeeee! That's not even an answer to that question!"

"You may not fuck the new kid."

"Now that you said I can't, I'm just gonna try harder."

"Berwald will throttle you."

"Now I'm gonna try harder. _Er_."

"You're an idiot."

.

Let's just get this straight.

Berwald and Matthias _hate_ each other.

With the fiery passion of like six bazillion and seven white hot suns or something, if you need a metaphor to understand.

Matthias will say it started when Berwald attempted to steal his best friend. (In preschool.)

Berwald will say it started when (in preschool) a blonde kid came flying out of nowhere and tackled him, breaking his glasses.

And then it sort of escalated –

Because somewhere along the way stealing each other's snacks and dumping paint on each other's heads became tripping each other in the hallway and stealing homework and that became keying cars and kissing best friends and that became –

That became Matthias seducing the new kid.

(Though he was still amazingly pissed about the kissing Norge thing.)

.

"Hey. You're Tino, right?"

"Uh – yeah."

"Cool. I'm Matthias. And you are going to be my new lab partner."

"But I think I already –"

"Arthur had something come up."

(He does not that this something is going to bust Alfred and Matthew making out in a coat closet, because he has standards and also he told him to go check the cafeteria instead because he is sort of scared of what will happen if Arthur actually _does_ catch his kid brother doing something like that.)

"Oh! Okay then!"

.

Matthias learns that Tino met Berwald over the summer and he thinks they're dating, but sometimes Berwald gets this look in his eye and he's not really sure what's going on there, but he also calls him his wife, even though obviously Tino is not a guy and also that Tino's favorite holiday is Christmas and he slept with a stuffed reindeer until he was 11 and his best subject is History and that he is very open with people he's just met.

Tino learns that Matthias has a best friend named Norge and likes his coffee black.

(Except that last part was a lie, because he actually puts about five sugars in it, it's just that without milk it _looks_ black.)

.

Tino eats lunch with Berwald.

"And my lab partner is this guy named Matthias, he's really nice –"

"M'tth's 'nd'son?"

"Uh – yeah!"

"St'y 'w'y fr'm h'm."

"But. I mean. Why?"

"B'd p'rs'n."

"He doesn't seem like a bad –"

Tino stops when he notices Berwald's glare and changes the subject.

.

Matthias eats with Norge and doesn't see Tino.

.

The next day, Berwald catches up with him before class.

"St'y 'way fr'm m' w'f."

"Um. What?"

"T'no. St'y 'way fr'm h'm."

"Why should I – Did you just call Tino your wife?"

"J'st d' wh't I s'y, 'nd'r's'n."

"And when have I ever done that, Berwald?"

.

That day in Biology, Matthias listens as Tino rambles on about some Finnish desert and how he thinks mornings are the best part of the day and this little kid movie that was on TV last night.

It's actually kind of interesting, Matthias thinks.

"Why does Berwald calls you his wife?"

Tino turns bright red and Matthias grins and leans in close.

"You and I would probably be really good at adultery, you know."

Tino blushes even redder.

.

Tino avoids him the next day.

.

Matthias narrows his eyes and _thinks_.

.

He catches up with Tino at his locker.

"_You_ have been avoiding me."

.

Tino blinks, because suddenly he is staring at a blue t-shirt and a wolfish smile and he jumps a bit when he recognizes his lab partner's voice.

"Oh – Um… N-No I h-haven't."

Matthias smirks.

"So have. But it's cool. Because after school today, _you_ are coming out drinking with me and Gil and Norge."

And then he's gone and all that's left is Tino, whose heart is beating faster than he would like to admit.

.

Matthias walks away, humming some stupid song, and feeling good about himself and maybe just life in general, when he's stopped by Norge and his disapproving glare.

"This is stupid."

"What?"

"This Tino thing."

"Tino's actually fairly intelligent. We got an A on that lab with –"

"You know what I mean."

"Norge, chill. I'm doing this for _you_, ya know."

He feels a sharp pain in his shin. It appears Norge has kicked him. "_Why_ would you be doing something like that?"

"Because Berwald kissed you."

And Norge is giving him this you-are-too-stupid-to-be-alive-look, but Matthias stands firm. Sort of. He's actually kind of limping a bit, because Norge can kick _hard_, but he's dealing with it.

"_So_?"

"And – I mean. So I need revenge."

"Why could _you_ possibly need revenge for that?"

"Well. Because you're like mine and Berwald kissed you so that's like invasion of property or something – _Ow_! What the hell, man?"

"I am not your property. We are not dating. Shut the fuck up."

And then he hits him _again _and that one will most definitely bruise, and before he walks away Norge says one last thing.

"Berwald really likes Tino, Matthias. Don't screw it up because you're an idiot. And this had better not mean you're in love with me, because I will find a way to deport you."

There are three things very wrong with that sentence.

One, Berwald is a robot incapable of feelings like love.

Two, He is so _not_ in love with Norge. That'd be like incest or something.

Three, He was definitely born here so deportation is not an option.

And he would say anyone of those things, but he doesn't because he's kind of busy curling up on the ground in pain.

.

He invites Arthur to come drinking with him and Gil and Tino, because he feels like Norge would probably say no at this point.

.

"So I was going to hang out with some people after school today."

"Wh'?"

"Oh – um. This guy named Gilbert and maybe possible Matthias."

Tino says that last part really quiet, in hopes Berwald doesn't hear.

He does.

"T'ld y'u to st'y 'way fr'm h'm."

"Oh. Well. Yeah. But he said his feelings were hurt and then he invited me and it would have rude to just say no, and he _does _listen to me ramble all the time, so he can't be a completely horrible person –"

Berwald walks off, grumbling and Tino sits there alone for a little bit.

He thinks he will go drinking, not to make Berwald mad because he's not the type of person who plays games like that in relationships, but because it would be nice to have friends other than Berwald and so far – other than the slightly too close touching and the occasional weird comments about adultery – Matthias has been nothing but nice to him.

Also, he hasn't been drinking in _forever_.

.

For some reason, Berwald doesn't even try to stop Tino as he gets into Matthias's beat up red car, even though he can feel him staring at the pair from all the way across the parking lot.

He knows what that look means. Something like stop-stop-stop-stop with a little bit of i-love-you thrown in.

Tino gets in anyway.

.

Matthias winks as they drive by Berwald.

This is fun.

.

Tino can hold his alcohol.

That's what Matthias learns.

Because when his world had started to turn a little fuzzy and Alfred was curled up under the bar whining about bunnies and Alfred and Francis and Gilbert was hitting on the waitress with reckless abandon, Tino was still sitting there rambling on just like he did in science.

It's kind of cute.

.

At the end of the night, they Norge to pick them up and he gives Matthias this disapproving glare the entire ride home.

(When he's not focused on the road, at least. Norge is like the most perfect, OCD driver in the entire world, so it's not like that's a lot, but Matthias can still _feel_ it.)

It doesn't stop him from sloppily kissing Tino – on the mouth – when they get to his house to drop him off.

It's kind of adorable how red he turns.

.

Berwald shows up the next morning with boxed pancakes from IHOP and Tino figures it's an apology, though he's pretty sure he should be the one apologizing – he's pretty sure he let Matthias kiss him, after all – but Berwald looks so happy when he accepts the pancakes that he just decides to keep his big mouth shut for once.

.

He doesn't see Tino Saturday or Sunday, but on Monday he's back to avoiding him.

Yeah.

Matthias probably shouldn't have kissed him.

.

"_Are you ever going to grow up?" _Norge hisses to him, and Matthias looks up from where he was watching Berwald and Tino with this weird feeling in his gut.

"Huh?"

"You kissed him. You're even now, right? You don't have to keep screwing with Berwald and Tino, now?"

"_Norge_," and Matthias draws out his name, just because he can, "I didn't know you cared."

"Just stop, Matthias. Okay?"

"What if I don't want to?"

The Norwegian just gives him a very angry glare and stomps off.

"What if I can't stop?" He says, mostly to himself, because maybe he actually likes Tino, just a little bit.

.

He sees Tino in science, standing next to the lab station talking with Eduard and he's wearing some sweater, even though it's only just beginning to get cold.

Tino blushes when he sees him.

Matthias kind of wants to hug him, so he does.

It makes him feel sort of warm and tingly inside, but only a little bit.

(Or maybe a lot bit.)

.

He sees Berwald later, and it's the perfect opportunity to tell him that "oh, yeah, made out with your 'wife' on Friday night," only for some reason he can't say it, and when he tries the words just kind of stick in his throat and won't come out and his stomach keeps on twisting, almost like he feels guilty or something.

That is not it, though, because he has nothing to feel guilty about.

.

Instead, he makes up for his one moment of weakness by catching up to Tino in the parking lot after school and kissing him again, this time a little bit harder and a lot less sloppy than that night after the bar.

He makes sure Berwald is watching.

Tino turns red, but doesn't pull away, until Berwald comes by, grabs his arm and hits Matthias so hard he falls straight onto the pavement.

It was kind of worth it, and all he thinks about is Tino for the rest of the day, even when Norge is getting him a steak for his new black eye.

.

"Oh, _god, _Berwald – I'm _so_ sorry, I mean, really – _oh god_ –"

"It's n't y'r f'lt."

"No, it _definitely_ is, and oh my god, _Berwald_. Do you want to hit me?"

"No." He gives Tino a weird little look. "It's n't y'r 'f'lt. It's th't 'd'ts."

"Oh – but –"

"N't y'r f'lt." Berwald repeats and Tino can't bring himself to argue.

He also can't bring himself to regret Matthias kissing him, because it kind of felt amazing.

.

Sometimes Tino watches Matthias.

(Not in a creepy way. Just in the kind of way you're supposed to watch a guy who kisses you sometimes and listens to you when you talk who also has really pretty eyes, even when you're sitting next to the best guy in the universe who you're practically already married too, apparently. That kind of look.)

He's sitting with that Norwegian kid, who doesn't talk much, and he talks with his hands, animatedly and he's got this big wolfish grin on his face.

Then the Norwegian kid says something and for a few seconds Matthias's face goes kind of blank, but then it changes into this big, warm kind of smile, and it makes Tino feel warm inside – it's that kind of smile and _god_, why doesn't he smile like that all the time and –

And then he realizes Berwald had asked a question and he hadn't been paying attention and for some reason he can't stop feeling guilty.

(It's probably the kissing thing, he thinks, and he sort of hates himself.)

.

Maybe, for Matthias, it's the way Tino's pretty purple eyes light up or how he bites his lip when he's focused or the way he smiles when he's giving to other people or the fact that he gives to other people at all or the way how he smells like peppermint and sugar and love –

It's totally not about pissing Berwald anymore, that's for sure. They were off that road a _long_ time ago.

.

Maybe, for Tino, it's the way Matthias smiles or the way his eyes narrow or how Tino always catches him looking at him or how he doesn't know exactly what color Matthias's eyes are but it seems to rest somewhere between grey and green and blue or the way when they hug Tino's nose hits right as his collar bone or how when he smiles for real – not some fake sort of grin or smirk – it makes an entire room light up.

And it all makes him feel so guilty, because he loves Berwald too (the way he never looks anywhere but Tino or the way he always brings him ice cream when he's sad or the way he holds his hand) and sometimes he just can't stand it anymore.

.

Tino has been at this school for a month.

At the end of this month – or actually the 29th day, but it would count if it was February – Alfred Jones invites him to a party.

And Matthias is going and so is Berwald and Tino kind of doesn't want to, for those two reasons, because this whole thing would be a lot easier if they weren't both so nice to him and he weren't such an idiot and he picked which one to make stop kissing him –

But Berwald says he'll pick him up and Matthias says he'll be sad if he's not there, so Tino decides to go.

.

The party is good.

Of course, all Alfred's parties are, so Matthias is not really surprised. Mei and her twin brother are in charge of music, so it's a little too fast for his taste, but there's alcohol and a bunch of people being idiots, so he goes with it.

And then –

_Then_ he sees Tino and the party got a fuck of a lot more interesting.

.

Tino spends the party being tossed around like some kind of rag doll between Berwald and Matthias. It's not really fun for him.

He also spends a lot of the time drinking, and before he knows it he can't really find Matthias _or _Berwald, and he ends up talking to that Polish guy who always wears shiny clothes and his quiet friend who should really drink more.

.

Matthias sees Tino talking to Feliks – who couldn't keep his mouth shut if his life fucking depended on it – and swears quite a lot.

Then he runs right over.

Berwald beats him, but they're both too late.

"Oh, like, didn't you know? He started, like, hanging around you to try and totes get Berwald back for like making out with Norge."

Matthias watches with dead eyes as Tino's face goes white and his purple eyes go hard and _god_ he wants to strange that motherfucking Polish kid to the ground.

"W-What?" And at first he thinks it's just gonna be Tino being sad, and maybe he can almost handle that, except than Tino's voice just gets dark and flat and wrong.

"I thought you and Matthias weren't together?"

Matthias splutters for about five minutes.

"We're not." Norge says. "He's just an overprotective asshole."

"But… Then why did you kiss Norge?" He asks Berwald, and Matthias just wants Tino to talk to him, to not ignore him –

Berwald doesn't answer. Just looks away.

"Oh." Tino says, and he sounds about as broken and shattered as Matthias feels.

He walks away and Norge grabs the back of Matthias's shirt before he can follow.

.

The next day – when half the school is hung-over and the other half is gossiping about the Tino/Berwald/Matthias/Norge "love square" and Ivan and Alfred's whole drunken kiss thing – Tino sticks close to Berwald and Matthias tries not to feel broken inside.

.

It helps a little, when Tino still rambles to him in science – this time about New Years Eve and how he needs to buy a new couch and the little kid who lives down the street.

Matthias tells him that sometimes he really doesn't know what he's doing.

Tino nods and lets Matthias hold his hand under the table.

.

"I st'll l'v y'." Is what Berwald says and Tino _knows_ he doesn't deserve love like that, not even a little bit.

"But –"

"Pl's d' n't l'v. I l'v y'."

Tino chokes a little bit and doesn't move when Berwald kisses him.

.

And it keeps on going like that – Berwald and Tino and then Tino and Matthias, and there are kisses and there are feelings and there's all this other stuff that life might be so much easier without –

And slowly, all three of their hearts just get ripped into shreds.

.

And maybe one day, pretty little (fake) adulterous couples will get their happy ending. Maybe Tino will stop hanging around Berwald at all, or maybe Berwald will give them their blessing –

Or maybe Tino will stay with Berwald and Matthias will settle for Norge, or Norge's little brother who looks amazingly like him or maybe they'll all just split up after high school and never see each other again.

Maybe Alfred will stop whoring around and find true love and maybe Matthew will beat out Kiku and Eduard for valedictorian and maybe Elizaveta and Roderich will break up again and maybe Gilbert will get over her and maybe Ludwig and Roderich will be roommates forever or maybe Ludwig and Feliciano will be that one couple who lasts or maybe Antonio will finally get Lovino to kiss him and maybe –

There are lots of ands and ors and maybes and other words, and _maybemaybemaybe_ they don't matter so much.

Because Matthias likes Tino and Tino likes Matthias and if you just forget all of those other maybes and ands and ors, then it can just be that simple.

(Except it's not.)

.

Eventually, Berwald and Tino have something like a fight.

Something that is just quiet words and mumbled "but-i-thought-i-loved-you's" and breaking hearts – and it's all about Tino and Matthias and a little about Berwald, and maybe a little bit about how love doesn't really exist anymore anyway.

.

"Hey." Is what he says, and Tino, sitting quietly on Matthias's front steps, looks up.

"Hey."

He doesn't ask if he's okay, or if it has anything to do with Berwald, or even any questions at all, even though he really doesn't know what's going on at all, because he was pretty sure Tino was mad at him.

But instead of asking stupid questions he doesn't want the answers to –

He sits down right next to him, their shoulders barely touching and they spend the next three hours counting the number of cars that pass them by.

It's almost the closest he's ever felt to a stable relationship, or maybe the closest thing he's ever felt (except his epic bromance with Norge or his parents or seeing Tino smile sometimes) to love.

.

Tino watches a slow, real smile creep onto Matthias's face and maybe he doesn't have doubts anymore and maybe he smiles back and then he just sits there and watches Matthias smile and lets some kind of warm feeling fill up his heart, until it barely even feels broken anymore.

(Maybe.)

.

**EFF. WHAT IS THIS. AND ASLDSIJDFSKDF THISWASSUPPOSEDTOBEDENNORA SDLFKJ ADLFKJ SDFDf gfgs sgdsfl kFD ALD:FSA :IHATEWRITINGSWEDENFDL A. I DON'T EVEN SHIP FINLANDDENMARK SDFSLDJ DENIAL**

**Um. Yeah. Sorry. I had a mental breakdown writing this, sweartogod, so if there's something especially wrong with it, please tell me~**

**I kind of like FinDen. After writing this, at least. Even if this is essentially nothing like what I was trying to write, but I'm just gonna ignore that. No. Seriously. There is one line left in this – after editing – from the DenNor I was trying to write. See if you can find it. You'll be special.**

**thoughts/reviews/rambles/criticisms are accepted and loved & favorites without reviews are not, because they suck**


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